The
Personnel Department
Once
again PEOPLE
are
(or is) the most important resource we have.
THE PERSONNEL DEPARTMENT is
responsible for the well-being of all our employees and is also
responsible to some extent for finding them, interviewing them,
and luring them to work for us for as little as possible. The best
way to get people cheaply is to make them think they are wanted.
This is where heading-hunting comes in. We have some specially trained
people to go out, find who we want and bring them back, dead or
alive – well, we don't want the competition having an advantage
do we?
Heading-hunting
techniques and practice have now reached such advanced levels that
even the head-hunters themselves are being head-hunted.
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| Charles
is one of one finest exponents of the art of head-hunting. He always
gets his man. Having said that he mostly spends his time observing
women. "Not, Briony, Charles, she's already working for us.". |
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Heading
hunting can be a very serious affair involving weaponry and violence. |
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It
can also go very wrong in the hands of untrained amateurs with limited
experience and no track record. |
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The
head-hunter's Bible contains only one commandment:
"Thou shalt covert thy rivals staff".
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"Okay
then, so its twice your current salary, a new laptop and Valerie
licks your penis every Friday.". |
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If
all else fails, offer them the Moon. |
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| Two
employees that are indispensable at Black Pencil Design, or any other
office environment for that matter, are a receptionist and a gofer.
There are others... |
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| This
is all the information you need about our receptionist. |
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Briony:
Our lovely Gofor. Go get it Briony. |
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Clarinda
is the head of the Personnel Department. When she calls you into her
office like this, you know you're about to get fired. |
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When
Clarinda had to fire Justin he was one step ahead. He had already
found a new job in a rival South American agency and had this photo
ready to leave on her desk when he said goodbye. |
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The
office gossips had a field day with that one – but they were
next. |
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| The
STRESSES and strains of maintaining
one's job in the cut-throat world of advertising can get the better
of some employees. These are a couple of people who have
"TOURETTE'S
SUICIDE SYNDROME".
Very difficult in high pressure meetings where confidence is everything... |
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| William |
Chico |
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Some
even use props.Like Dan Fuller. |
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Occasionally
"Tourette's Suicide Syndrome" takes a savage form where
creative people have to constantly draw visuals of there impending
doom. |
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To
combat this our in-house carers have developed a very successful empathic
visual technique, which many sufferers find extremely calming. |
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Of
course, it's not all guns, hanging and falling off buildings. Some
times those little helpers can turn against our employees... |
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...causing
them to spend their working hours bathed in strangely coloured light
and waiting for Clarinda's crooked finger of fate to call upon them. |
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Often,
at the end of the day our employees generally pull through, largely
due to the help and understanding our carers give them. However,
it is often these very giving people who eventually really do get
fired.
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